On relationships 3: A Phycological Counselling might help

You marry someone special after a long wait. After all those times you imagined how a responsible life partner I would become to special one and waited till the right time. You marry that special person and be amazed at how wonderful the other person is in their knowledge, intellect, even skills. But then you slowly start noticing the follies and shortcomings of the partner. Your partner is no longer the perfect one. Then start the arguments and heated disagreements on everyday decisions. There is topic that invariably invokes difference in you two and things go out of hand and sometimes irreparably violent. You start fearing that is this the end, the end of love and togetherness! You think consistently of making your own identity and attempt to boost the individualistic self. But doing so you feel empty and find the end result of the individuality as loniness and purposelessness.
During such times, when you can't think of any hope for a happy future, a counselling session with a professional psychologist might help you regain the ferver for life.
A counselling session where the counselor would just listen to your perceived problems and helps you realise that you are part of the problem too, not your partner alone. You realise Bura Jo dekhan main Chala.. mujhse bura na koy..
You realise how you too act as a demotivator to your partner and how you just don't see their problems.
And then when both have this understanding, you try to change. You keep the other person's happiness in mind while taking every decision. You support your partner. Your redeem your relationship.
I feel, counselling can help.

On Relationships 2: There is no alternative

On Relationships 1: Three theorems of a heathy relationship

So keen to figure out the mystery of Relationships, I have been reading books and experimenting the fundas of happy Relationships. Here are the three fundas, I articulated, that have endured the tests of my analytical mind.
These worked for me, many times. The might work or do not work for you. The world is not a monolith. But the key idea is experimenting and drawing our own experiences.

Read along and share your experiences and thoughts with me.

1. For a healthy relationship, the partners must accept the cardinal rule: There is no alternative. For a healthy relationship, the partners must never think that there is an option of separating. They have to stick to each other in all situations.

2. For a healthy relationship, the partners must adhere to this policy: The relationship is one-to-one and between two partners no-one should come. The partners should not involve a third party between them.

3. A healthy relationship thrives when the partners know and exercise this canon: There shouldn't be equality in relationship. For one, the other should be more respected.

On Relationships: My experiences & thoughts

The time passes by so fast you don't even realise. Lately, this realisation that I have almost 3 decades on Earth has been overwhelming. When I look back, I realise I have seen much of life. I have witnessed and contributed to the spectrum of human cultures.
However when I look ahead, I realise i have not yet seen a bit of the life on earth.
But I should pause sometimes and look back the experiences I had. The experiences that moulded my thoughts and helped mature them.

The one subject that comes first to my mind is Relationships. This subject has been closed my heart and eyes for 2 decades, soon after i became aware of myself and society.
The first decade was more of observing and looking through the glasses of self bhejo books on relationships, such as Men are from a Mars and Women are from Venus.
The past decade was more of actually experiencing them. These experiences have been very pleasant, deeply unpleasant, confusing, shaking, weakening, strengthening, and transforming.
I am not the same person I was 5 years ago. The experiences changed me. Unlike the changes that surroundings bring to your nature and behaviour in childhood, these changes couldn't go unnoticed by the present concious mind.

Many times, I felt I have understood the essence of Relationships and I can articulate the formulas for happy Relationships.
But I saw the inevitable failure of those formula in so many relationships and the implausibility of execution in real life, made me question the objective my observations.
It is not "Happy Relationships" anymore, it is "Enjoying the Relationships".
My learning might not apply to many others in apparently similar relationship. We may not always act as per the formulas. Sometimes we enjoy the pains of a relationship and do not act.

However, the effort to use the formula in life and generate new inferences is the greatest experience. We can call it Enjoying the Relationships.
In my next few posts, I'll share my experiences and thoughts with you.
Enjoy the life full of colours of Happiness, sadness, bliss, and dejection. Share your thoughts on my thoughts. Good Bye.

Beautiful minds

Have you ever heard about the Misinformation Effect?
Let me give a brief description here:
We think that memories are played back like recordings, but they get modified and corrupted by current information and sensibilities, i.e., memories are highly influenced by the present. (Source: The Book). Read more here.

I noticed an example of this effect at play:
The TV series Gmae of Thrones gives an amazing description of people, emotions, attitudes, clothes, and architecture of the mythical land of Westeros set in (perhaps) medieval age. Seems so wonderful! We tend to believe that it is like how it would have been in the history.

But hey!!
That's not real. This is not how it was. It could have been totally different. The misinformation effect is at play here.

Ohhhh..
Alright. Definitely it is not real. The people, the emotions, the attitudes, the clothes, and the architecture of the mythical land of Westeros are all influenced by our present sense of aesthetics and sensibilities.
But hey!! Aren't they beautiful?
The way they are. Isn't it exquisite?
Beauty in its totality when seen all by itself.
More amazing are the minds of the creative directors of the show. If the creation is so impeccable and magnificent, how the mind of the creator will be!

Life of a soldier in Tipu Sultan's army

We have enjoyed the wonderful depictions of history on television. Tipu Sultan was great TV serial that showed the politics, lifestyle, and struggle of the elite of princely India.
However, did you ever pay attention to a lay soldier in the army of mighty Tipu Sultan? Have you ever wondered how the life of actual soldiers would have been 300 years ago?

I think, like any of us, they too were unique. Each soldier a different and complete story. Each one having a parallel struggle going on in their life, along with struggles of the dynasties. This soldier would have joined the army as a profession, either by interest or by family pressure. This soldier would have wife, kids, kins, animals, and a home full or empty of pots, utensils, chulha (stove) etc. At home, he would not behave as a savage, as he does in the battlefield. He would be a simple man, with motivations and incentives like all of us today but perhaps in a different packaging (form).

At this point I must also acknowledge the fine work of the so-close-to-real TV series Game of Thrones. The show (perhaps) inadvertently tells the stories of happiness and agony of personal lives of common soldiers.
Each tiny component is important. Rome will not be build in one day and not without a multitude of tiny yet significant factors, such as people.

Acknowledging the factors that..

Who we are today, is a result of a complex actions and reactions that occur in our life's chemistry. Many factors helped us and many harmed us. We are the end results. Many things are subtle such as our guardians' silent motivation or demotivation, and many are  loud & clear such as our schools of education. Many things we know and many we do not.
It feels good when I realise and acknowledge these factors, good or bad, as contributors of what I am today. I can't and won't be grateful and thankful to all such factors, but I certainly will be for some.

This is an image of the receipt of a governmental saving scheme deposits.
Such savings by my parents made my education possible. Coaching, college, PG, certifications.

I feel appreciative of such small efforts which have a potential of manifesting in big results.
Thanks. Thanks to whatever you might call it.
Thank God.